The Diggerer

 Dear Golden Dome,

Barack Obama has made my cats and I feel much safer now that my neighbor has to use a few less bullets in his pistols.  I'm also happy he is banning all those scary-looking weapons that resemble military rifles.  One of my neighbors likes to shoot his rifles off his back deck and it frightens my poor Fluffy close to death! I've even seen it frighten strangers out of our subdivision.  The President is right when he says no one needs those.

Can you help by telling us other things we can live without to be even safer?

Dear Golden Dome,

I'm unsure who I should vote for in the next Presidental Election.  Obama doesn't seem to care about West Virginia, but the media tells me other guy is stupid.  Besides, my granpappy voted Democrat, my daddy voted Democrat and I always have.  

Who would you vote for?

Dear Golden Dome,

My neighbors and myself are in mortal danger because our town is between a busy railroad track and the river.  If a train derails again (this happens about every three years) we will be trapped, unable to get to safety.  There is an underground tunnel a mile away, but it's too small for trucks and emergency vehicles.

Dear Golden Dome:

I've been hearing ads for The Freedom Rally being held at the West Virginia Capitol at 2pm on April 15th.  Is this something I should attend?  It this being supported by the WV State Legislature?

Signed, Taxed to Death

Dear Golden Dome

I recently learned that the Governor is signing a law to ban dangerous wild animals and exotic beasts in West Virginia. I have a parrot, should I be frightened for my life? Whenever it says, "Polly wanna cracker?" it's almost like she's about to say "or else".  Lately, my iguana is giving me the evil eye.  Is it just my imagination or should I be frightened?

Signed, Exotic Pet Owner