It was Sunday night when several returning students were out looking for 'refreshments'. Wanting something different than burger and fries, they pulled into the campus Chick-fil-A drive-thru window. After waiting at least half an hour, it eventually dawned on them... beer wasn't even on the menu.
"We couldn't believe it!" exclaimed WVU freshman, Duff Stout. "How could WVU risk loosing our #1 Party School status by allowing businesses on campus that don't sell alcohol? And, dude... What's up with making us wait so long in the drive-thru window?"
Chick-fil-A manager, Sue Margaret, told The Diggerer, "I personally do not drink, but I don't have anything against it, per se. However, family fast food restaurants such as ours never have, and hopefully never will serve alcohol." Asked if it was their habit to make students wait without being served on the Sunday in question, Margaret answered, "We are not open on Sunday. No Chick-fil-A is open on Sunday."
Student Council leaders voted unanimously to petition WVU to revoke Chick-fil-A's campus permit on the grounds of discrimination. Council spokesperson, Hillary Xander said, "Obviously, they hate everyone who has ever had a sip of alcohol! And hate is bad. Our teachers have taught us to be intolerant of anyone who hates. And everyone knows not being open on Sunday is just code for saying, 'you're going to Hell'.
"It's not like some fairy-tale, all powerful being even CARES if they have a day off. I hate crazy, judgemental people like that!"
WVU is looking into the allegation of discrimination. "Not serving alcohol to our students is a very serious charge. Particularly on a Sunday night," Said Fairness WV Director Joey Ratatouille. "Our students need the strength and confidence that beer and alcohol provide for the upcoming week. It is unthinkable that WVU would allow an establishment into the Mountainlair Student Union that mocks our students non-beliefs and passes judgement on their drinking needs. We demand WVU cease all ties with Chick-fil-A until such time that Dan Cathy, CEO of Chick-fil-A, adopts a more accepting view of alcohol and a seven-day work week."
Duff Stout plans to visit Chick-fil-A each Sunday night dressed in a drunken chicken suit until they are plucked from the Student Union. "This ain't right. People who own places can't believe stuff that other people don't believe. They can't like, not like something that, like... um, what was I saying?
"Oh yeah... it's WVU's job to protect me from the real world! I mean, this is America, or something. Isn't it?"
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