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Monday, 15 October 2012 13:59

Tomblin to Attempt High Altitude Jump Over Capitol

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CHARLESTON- Governor Earl Ray Tomblin (DEMOCRAT) is attempting a daring, high-altitude jump over the West Virginia Capitol this Friday.

Critics charge that Tomblin is only 'jumping' on the excited caused by this weekends high altitude jump by Felix Baumbarner -- to bolster his troubled gubernatorial campaign.  Not quite the edge of space, but still high enough for nose-bleeds, the life-long politician from Southern West Virginia will jump from an altitude of approximately 11 miles, or 60.000 feet -- which just happens to be the number of unemployed in West Virginia under his leadership [LINK].

"This is not a political stunt," said Tomblin's campaign spokesperson, Tauc Allota.  "It's a well-known fact that Tomblin has been planning a parachute jump for years.  He thought it would be cool to finally do so after Chuck Yeager relived his flight under the Charleston Bridge [LINK].  We are doing this jump to help celebrate our unemployment numbers, which we are very proud of.  We are nearly the worst state for unemployment, but we won't stop until we are number one!"

Tomblin won a special election to fill the Governor's position in 2011 when then Governor, Joe Manchin, won the Senate Seat from KKK Grand Wizard the Honorable Robert C. Byrd.  He is running against successful West Virginia businessman, Bill Maloney - who used his drilling expertise to rescue 33 trapped Chilean miners [LINK].

When asked about the event, Republican challenger Bill Maloney said, "We wish him a safe landing.  Tomblin is an known expert in downward spirals, so I don't expect he'll have any trouble hitting rock-bottom without a scratch."

Tomblin's aerial stunt is being funded, in part, by "Stay The Course, West Virginia" PAC.  Treasurer, Byan Voats, told TheDiggerer, "We believe that West Virginia is on the right track under Earl Ray's leadership.  He has served in WV political office for nearly a decade as the President of the WV Legislature.  As Governor, he has continued to lead West Virginia down the same path.  Maloney says he wants to change course in West Virginia.  We think that speaks for itself."

Tomblin's parachute has been donated by one of Obama's favorite foreign donors, a Swiss Company known for it's delicious cheeses.

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Read 3007 times Last modified on Monday, 15 October 2012 23:28
Arthur P Coodle

Continuing his Great Grandfather's newspaper legacy, Arthur P Coodle has transformed "The West Virginia Ramp" (formerly "The West Virginia Rag") into the State-wide, Internet Phenomenon, "The Diggerer".

When not digging for news, he enjoys digging for more news.
...and long walks on the beach.

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