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Thursday, 25 October 2012 21:07

Bath Salt Zombie Costume Dead On Arrival

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LOGAN- When Todd Mathews dressed up as a zombie to attend Logan High School's Halloween party, the senior did not considered he was doing anything wrong. It was, in fact, the third year in a row that he had dressed like 'the Walking Dead' -- it was, however, the first year he was sent home for doing so.

According to Principal Jerry Saunders, Matthews was not sent home because of the costume. Saunders told TheDiggerer, "What was different this year were Todd's 'props'.  In the past he'd carry 'bloody' mannequin limbs that he'd pretend to chew on.  That always gets a laugh.  This year he was carrying a bag of bath salts.  He even glued bath salts all over his clothes like he had spilled them on himself.  We just felt the costume very inappropriate."

ACLU Attorney, May Quepay, strongly disagrees.  "It's not like he was wearing REAL Bath Salts, my client assures me it was only glitter.  Besides, Bath Salt Zombies are all over the news, TheDiggerer.com was running stories every week for a while.  They are a part of our culture.  Would you tell Sally she can't dress up as the Octomom with eight little plastic babies hanging on her dress?  No!  Or that little Billy he can't pretend to be President Obama with a dead Ambassador on his back?  That's unAmerican!  It's unjust to dictate who children can and cannot dress up as."

teacherzombieThe school board met privately last night to discuss the matter.  In a prepared statement the board concludes the principle acted properly to protect students.  "Students are expected to dress appropriately and according to school standards.  While Halloween dances are a great opportunity for freedom of expression, those standards still must be maintained.  Also, students were provided strict guidelines before the event that included: no masks, painted faces, morph outfits, wheels of any kind, weapons (even plastic), drug paraphernalia (including Bath Salts).  Therefore, we believe Matthews knowingly violated school rules and was sent home, accordingly."

There may be another wrinkle to this tale of costume horror.

"You wanna know the real reason I was sent home?" Matthews said before his lawyer could stop him.  "It's because I called out Principle Saunders for being a fraud, that's why.  He came dressed as a "Walking Dead" character, "One-Legged Hershel-Zombie".  Only Hershel ain't a zombie!  I laughed at Principle Saunders and told everyone he doesn't even watch the show!  So, he kicked me out 'cause I embarrassed him in front of the entire school.

"That, and I make a much better zombie than he does."

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Read 31122 times Last modified on Friday, 26 October 2012 21:47
Alligator Jackson

Alligator Jackson is a recording artist on 9 Lives Records. His seven southern rock cds have sold world wide.

His books "The Legend of Alligator Jackson" and "Evil Or Divine" have been published by Publish America. His latest book "Money Town" is on 9 Lives Records.

Alligator Jackson was a regular cast member and writer for the internet radio shows "Westlake and The Pig" and "The Fabulous Dancing Pig Show". Along with The Pig, he is part of the political comedy team Piglitical.

His political commentary, music reviews, and other blogs are at www.alligatorjackson.net. AJ has three degrees from Marshall University including a masters degree.

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