Halyomorpha Halys, a type of Shield Bug -- commonly called a 'Stink Bug', was first discovered in Allentown, Pennsylvania in 1998, having 'hitched' a ride on packing crates from China or Japan. They began their slow invasion in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Delaware, Connecticut, and New York. By 2009 the pest had infiltrated Maryland, Virginia, Tennesee, North Carolina, Ohio, Oregon, and... West Virginia. The next year they were found gloating about their take over of Indiana, Michigan, Minnesota and so on. By 2012 they have reached 38 states and counting.
"We're doing all we can to stop this pest, " said Hugh Greenjeans, Agricultural Department spokesman. "The little beastie is causing significant damage to agricultural products, particularly the apple crop in mid-Atlantic states. Vineyards are also on high alert. One bug in a batch of grapes can ruin a whole batch of wine.
"We've tried spraying and dusting to no avail. Now, we are focusing on using attack wasps, and spiders. We've been tried to get Praying Mantises involved in the war effort, but they tell us it's against their religion and they are Objective Observers, only."
Homeowner, James Aster woke one night to find his bedroom full of the stinky pests. They had even covered his bedsheet. As he ran from the room, he couldn't help but step on bug after bug. "It was horrifying, I was afraid for my life!" James admitted, "As I ran out, I kept hearing the squish, squish, squish of my slippers on the floor. I must have stepped on several of them, because the whole house smells, now."
He called the exterminator, but found they were not equipt to handle the menace. They directed him to the E.P.A. since they seem to regulate everything else, now. The E.P.A informed him he was not permitted to hurt the bugs by any means, since that would release their foul odor -- which would make him guilty of polluting the air. "I was at my wits end. I couldn't do anything about it! Those things tried to kill me, but according the to E.P.A., I guess I have to give them my house!
"I've moved in with my ex-wife until they decide to leave on their own ...or she drives me crazier than the bugs."
If you find a stink bug, please approach with caution and report it to the nearest E.P.A. agency.
