This story is set to automatically post if our editor fell asleep because nothing interesting occurred. It did.
...or didn't. Which is it? I don't remember. If you are still reading this non-story you are proof positive that there is SUCH a vacuum of nothingness happening that even a story about nothing is more compelling.
Cats
That's right, I said, "Cats". Right after reading this boring story, you should google a cute cat video. Or maybe watch Charlie bite his brother's finger again - that's always good for a laugh.
"I have nothing to say," said no one in particular. "I can't remember the last time I had no opinion and cared less about anything than this moment in time."
To the left is an actual 500x500 image of 'nothing' I stole from a Scientific Blog. I mean, I could have created that myself in MS Paint (which I loath) but it's "Scientific Proof" of nothing... kinda. Isn't science cool?
Are you still reading this story? Why? It should have been painfully obvious how mindless it would be when I manually typed that the story was posted automatically. It wasn't. We can't afford automation of that sort. Actually, there's hardly a 'We'. Sure a couple of guys submit articles by email from time to time, but mostly, I just sit staring at a blank screen in panic when the story deadline hits. Not today. No, today was different. I decided to see how long I could write about absolute drivel.
It turns out, I can drone on and on longer than I expected. Who knew you could craft multiple paragraphs by saying nothing? Want to know something funny? There ARE automated twitter and facebook accounts that will post this non-story and people will see it and be all, "WTF!? Why are you posting nothing like it's something?" And they will be like, "Cause TheDiggerer.com RAWKS, that's why!" but secretly there will be meetings to discuss if TheDiggerer.com has any credibility.
...like we ever TRIED to have credibility! Dude... it's all fake news!!!! Oh! And secretly some news editor is sitting in his office drooling over this article saying, "I wish I could print 'there was no news today''".
Actually, THIS story is probably the most HONEST story TheDiggerer.com has ever published! Okay, the story is looking about as long as my other 'news' stories, so I'll end it soon.
Wait a second, I want to ask you a question. Do you really read the articles on this website or do you do what a buddy of mine admitted to -- only read the titles, assume it's funny, and say, "Good article, man!"
What a Jerk
But really... do you read the stories? What about the ads? Every story ends with a Donation ad and only a few people ever click through on that one. I have a couple of REAL banner ads and they get clicked more, but why aren't you clicking on the Donate ad? It's for a worthy cause! I want to buy a Big Screen Telelvision and I need your help.
Don't snicker. The fact that you are STILL reading this crappy article tells me you are getting some freakish entertainment value from TheDiggerer.com. What that could be, I can't imagine - but here you are! Would it kill you to donate a dollar? No, no it wouldn't.
Make it so!
I loved Star Trek The Next Generation, don't you? I got my ticket for the theatrical release of the enhanced TV episodes a few weeks ago. I'm stoked!
Don't forget:
- Nothing happened today
- Google and watch a video about cute Cats or Charlie biting fingers
- Donate to help me buy a TV
- Star Trek TNG is awesome
