The decision by the world's second-biggest fast-food restaurant raises the bar for other companies seeking to appeal to the rising consumer demand for more humanely produced fare. The company is also concerned about religious groups who feel secure knowing that the animals being slaughtered to make their Whoppers and chicken tenders go to Heaven.
"Pigs, chickens, and cows will now be getting the chance to go to Heaven. They have a higher purpose than to be raised just to be lunch," said Mark Clayton of All Critters Should Go To Heaven. "Burger King is such a large purchaser of these products and now they will be responsible for sending millions of animals to Heaven."
Rev. Scott Anderson said, "It is great that our barnyard friends will have a chance to join us in Heaven. It is also great that humans will be eating blessed meat. If an animal has been blessed by Holy Water then the human that eats it will be blessed too. Now, milk won't just do your body good, but will do your soul good, too. This little change could create a kinder, gentler race of humans. The effect of eating blessed meat may create a pure and more caring human race."
The move also gives Burger King an edge with religious consumers that are impressed that Chick-fil-a is closed on Sundays. Burger President Mark Graven said, "For years Chick-fil-a has acted like they are moral superstars because they are closed on Sundays, but how many of their chickens will actually be going to Heaven? And Golden Arches? Our animals will be going through The Pearly Gates! Our burgers will even be holier than White Castle burgers!
Joking aside, Graven said, "This shows that we care about the quality of our food. It is not enough for our beef to be grade A quality, we want our food to be of the highest moral quality as well. Our food will come from God fearing and God worshipping pigs, cows, and chickens."
The animals will not only be baptized but will have recorded Bible scriptures read to them each night. They will also be given Last Rites at a religious service before being slaughtered.