"Things are fantastic," exclaimed a visibly over-caffeinated Harrah. "In the history of West Virginia, things couldn't get any gooder." Harrah's comments were made at a early morning press conference at the center court of the Town Center Mall, near Starbucks.
Shoppers were left wondering what the commotion was about when the unannounced press conference began. Harrah stood on an empty table holding his paper cup high as if to toast, and continued speaking.
"Other states, states that elect Republican Governors brag about dropping unemployment numbers and growing economies. West Virginia has high obesity and low wages! As a businessman, I love the fact that I'm paying people less than anywhere else in the country. And what's wrong with fat people? They're jolly!
"We don't need a Republican Governor or any more Republicans in our Legislature. Why change a good thing? I'm putting my money on Earl Ray Tomblin to Stay the Course!!" shouted Harrah between gulps of his double-shot Caramel Frappaccino.
Security guards called in to deal with the disturbance were as confused as the shoppers. One mall cop who asked to remain annonoymous told The Diggerer, "Standing on tables and turning the center court into an improptu stage is something we frown upon. You have to get a permit for stuff like that. And, I love West Virginia and all, but aren't we like last in most state rankings? I had to wrestle him to the ground before he would stop. ...I've always wanted to do that."
The PAC later posted the following on their facebook page, "We apologize for this mornings disturbance at the Town Center Mall, but we are all excited to join President Barack Obama's 'FORWARD' campaign with our similar message of 'Stay The Course West Virginia'. Team Tomblin and Obama have systematically worked to purge West Virginia of the coal industry. It's a scourge upon our land and must be replaced with new power industries. None of which can be developed in West Virginia, or can fully replace coal to power this country -- nevertheless, they have a vision.
"Yes, West Virginia has had it's trouble. Yes, West Virginia has ranked almost dead last among others states for decades. However, we believe there is no one more in tune with what Obama has in store for West Virginia, than Earl Ray Tomblin. His nearly decade-long leadership as the President of the WV Legislature means he was instrumental in putting us on this path. As Governor, we know Tomblin will continue to Stay The Course."
Unemployment Rate Dropped in Every State That Elected A Republican Gov in 2010
Team Obama Kills Another 750 Coal Jobs in Virginia, Kentucky and West Virginia
Gallup Poll: West Virginia Ranked Last in Future Livability
CNBC Ranks WV as one of the Worst States for Business
Report gives W.Va. Education Low Marks
West Virginia Last in Health and 'Well-Being' Index
West Virginia Near Lowest in Salaries
Child Care: http://www.wvpolicy.org/downloads/Child%20Care%20Workers%203.pdf
Prison Guards: http://wvgazette.com/News/201207070073
Worst State for Women
One of the Highest Obesity Rates
Worst Roads in the U.S.
Worst Bridges in the U.S.