"Biden's Easter Gaff" as some are calling it occurred during an Easter day service in Delaware. Pastor John Makins of a neighboring church, when asked about the incident by crack news man Wolfe Blister, had this to say. "The Gaff, as you call it, was the hand of God, I mean it's not like God is going to throw a lightening bolt into the middle of a packed congregation," and perhaps it was. Divinely influenced of not the "Easter Gaff" has reporters flocked to Beijing to unmask the details of Jintao's recent ailment.
At a press conference in the Chinese capitol, a government spokesperson became markedly frustrated with western journalists as they pressed him for the President's current condition and diagnosis. Something smelled and in a red faced outburst of spit and Mandarin profanity the truth was revealed.
According to the spokesman, "America is to blame" for Jintao's impacted colon. Since the 2008 Obama Presidential victory the Chinese leader's ass has been the constant concern of the American Executive Branch. First the American strategy was to kiss Jintao's ass but when two and a half years of ass kissing failed to yield Obama's desired results, a more aggressive approach was employed which ultimately found Jintao in the hospital with the American President lodged fully in his backside.
News is breaking fast and I can not confirm at this time but the rumor mill is churning with stories of Jintao's medical emergency that may have shockingly been graver than originally reported. A source has told me that just prior to forcing himself into the ass of Jintao, Obama had, days before, wedged himself into Russian beefcake, Vladimir Putin's pooper and may have, in a situation as grave and unprecedented as the American dept crisis, loaded both himself and Putin into the freshly kissed ass of Jintao.
EDITORS NOTE: We held the story until now to respect the privacy Chinese President Hu Jintao. Unlike some other newspapers, we have standards.