The Diggerer

WASHINGTON DC- "Belly up to the Bar" has taken on a new meaning that Michelle Obama thinks has become a problem in America.  Speaking at the United Nations, Mrs. Obama told world delegates that Americans are overfeeding themselves into the grave.  She believes one of the reasons is the 'All-You-Can-Eat-Buffet', and she's making it her mission to close them, down for good.

Today, President Obama once again threatened to sign an executive order designed to protect millions from unnecessary and preventable injury.

WALMART- Calling them "The Ultimate Relaxation Station" the infamous department store chain is adding Adult-Only bars to select Superstores across the nation, starting on the east coast.  Community leaders are denouncing the move, while many customers are calling it, "the idea of the century!"

HUNTINGTON- While most fast food businesses around the country are slashing employee hours to sidestep Obamacare and preserve precious profits, one WV-based burger joint did just the opposite. Due to completely unrelated circumstances, Fat Patty's will be closing their doors exactly two months later.

HASBRO- The votes have been counted and the Iron is "flat out" and the Cat is in "by a whisker"!  However, that's not the only change coming for Monopoly fans.  Several tokens are going to "Jail", NOT passing "GO!" or collecting $200.  But fear not, brand new, updated tokens are taking their place.  After all the votes have been counted two other tokens are joining little Fluffy.  They are an Airstrike Drone and a shiny new Bullet.

Republicans and "so-called" conservatives are at it again. They are claiming that the Constitution gives people the right to have guns without the permission of the government. If that were true, then how could New York and Chicago have laws against it?

 Dear Golden Dome,

Barack Obama has made my cats and I feel much safer now that my neighbor has to use a few less bullets in his pistols.  I'm also happy he is banning all those scary-looking weapons that resemble military rifles.  One of my neighbors likes to shoot his rifles off his back deck and it frightens my poor Fluffy close to death! I've even seen it frighten strangers out of our subdivision.  The President is right when he says no one needs those.

Can you help by telling us other things we can live without to be even safer?

CHARLESTON- After being hit with a devastating storm early last week, West Virginia is still feeling the effects of hurricane Sandy.  While not getting hit quite as hard as New York and New Jersey, West Virginia has joined a growing number of states extending Election Day. Madam Secretary of State, Natalie Tennent, made the announcement late Sunday night via her Twitter account. A press conference is scheduled Monday morning.

WASHINGTON- During his regularly scheduled White House Press Conference, President Obama laid blame for the impending "Frankenstorm on a controversial Youtube video.

LOGAN- When Todd Mathews dressed up as a zombie to attend Logan High School's Halloween party, the senior did not considered he was doing anything wrong. It was, in fact, the third year in a row that he had dressed like 'the Walking Dead' -- it was, however, the first year he was sent home for doing so.